Saturday, December 31, 2005 [ 12:59 PM ] ;
0 replies2005, what a year it has been. Entering the second year of MI, and I do not deny it, from the beginning of the year, I have been looking forward to leaving the place for what in my opinion is, greener pastures. A big disappointment when my results came in, rendering me with 21points for L1R5, which made me regret not putting in a little more effort for my math. Obviously, all the warnings from my father about the 2 boats not reaching the harbour(my close friends would understand this) came to naught. I however, would like to think the 2nd boat to reach the harbour has placed me neither here or there, and trapped in limbo.
Then came the emotional turmoil, which I asked myself many many times over and over again. "Whether I should leave, or should I stay." Ultimately, the decision could not be influenced by anyone although lots of people did give reasons and advices as to my staying or leaving. After weeks of contemplating and debating with myself, I've decided to stay in MI. Many of you would want to know what was the reason that made me stay, and sadly though, Im not here today to disclose that reason. Rest assured, it is not one reason but a multitude of reasons that led to my decision. I couldnt obviously stay because of one reason can I?
The emotional turmoil lasted all the way till even after my mid years, where it then subsided a little. For all the fact that I've chose to make MI the place to be for the next 2 years, I've struggled with myself throughout 2005, wondering if I had really made the correct decision. A friend once told me, "Don't look back after making your decision, or you would have regrets." This was what I failed to do, and my regrets were mounting as time went by. My mid year results were screwed, which left me with little and next to no conviction that my decision to stay was correct. I resolved to work harder for the promotional exams.
Many mistakes this year, with regards to friendships, incorrectly handled by me, and on hindsight, I should have not done many things the way I've did, and that shall be my new year resolution, never to repeat these mistakes again. Of course, the many mistaken ideas I've gave to not just one, but quite a few did stir things up and come 2006, I guess it'll be a much grimer and quieter year. I want to apologize to those I've knowingly hurt and unknowingly hurt and if you dont wish to accept my apologies, there's nothing I can really do about it.
Come promotional exams, which I've failed to uphold my promise to my home tutor to study and only studied at the last minute for it. I paid the price for it by worrying throughout after the end of exams all the way till the promotional exercise on whether I would make it to year 3. By much luck, a little intelligence and almost no hard work on my part, I gained an underserved promotion to year 3 of MI. Sad to say, not all classmates were as lucky as me and I had to say goodbye to more than a handful who had to leave. I wish them luck in all their future endeavours.
I shall skip the PW, since it hurts even to try to recall it, but I've had much fun with my group mates, laughing and joke and rushing our last minute presentation. Maybe we shouldnt have been so laid back, but we proved that we could come up with a decent presentation even with two days work. Therefore we're not so bad after all. But afterall, I have to thank you guys, for you all let me have such a good time during all those boring PW lessons.
To the end of the year, I've tried being nicer and talking more to my sister, and have discovered problems I've never really opened my eyes to. I should start being more appreciative and try to help in whatever way I can. Being a student however, there is a limit as to what I can do. I can only try. Some of you may recall my post about my cousin, who said a few simple things that tugged at my heartstrings. She, being an innocent 9 year old kid, told me about the problems that her cousin, who is my sister, confided into her. This made me realised that I shouldnt be so selfish and only think about myself, but spare a thought for my sis, and parents as well. Things arent already on a smooth flow, so we should try what we can to tide over this.
Maybe its time for me to truly consider getting a religion, and praying for help. But deep down, I detest such behaviour. Only praying when you're in crisis, but then again, it is only human behaviour. I only wish I wasnt so fucking helpless.
I want to thank my friends, sk and dom for being around, as always you guys have lent a listening ear to whatever nonsense I would want to say. Being able to go down to the bandroom at the beginning of the year and now at the end of the year and listening to the music again does make things seem alot easier. The almost regular soccer games kept me active as well, and also occupied my sundays with at least something useful to do.
The end of 2005 would mark the beginning of great changes, where my friends who graduated with me from sas would enter the army(most of them, at least) and I would soon be required to sit for the As myself. The year which the singapore exchange closed down in raffles place, where trading can now be done in the comfort of your homes, which is the reason why one the problems I am helpless about is this. I might not make any sense, but it doesnt matter.
I have a couple of wishes for 2006. Above all, and most importantly, good health for all my 3 grandparents. Secondly, good health for my parents and that they would have good luck in all that they attempt. Thirdly, that my sister would wisen up and stop doing stupid and immature things. Fourthly, good fortune for my uncle, who over the years, have given me invaluable directions and advice on how to be a proper person, and kept me from straying when my parents were not around. Fifthly, for me to have a smooth journey in 2006. Finally, I wish I do not see anymore people in 04b4 to fail. Too many have done that, and its just sad to see if more do so.
I hope the rest of you guys had a decent 2005, and forget all the grudges you held, remember fondly the good memories you had, and most of all, try to begin 2006 with a clean slate. Remember to make new year resolutions, and a wish list if you want. Those who are christians or something, pray for a better year than this.
I wish you all, a very joyful and easygoing 2006. Welcome to a new beginning.
