Now Playing - Sooner or Later (Soren's Song) - Switchfoot

Blue skies smilin' at me
Nothin' but blue skies do I see
Bluebirds singin' a song
Nothin' but bluebirds all day long

Never saw the sun shinin' so bright
Never saw things goin' so right
Noticing the days hurrying by
When you're in love, my how they fly

Blue days, all of them gone
Nothin' but blue skies from now on
Nothin' but blue skies from now on

bing crosby

Currently listening to: Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol

Thank you thank you thank you, You're far too kind!

I cant believe my luck today. When I was about to step out of my home, the rain got heavier so I got my sister to shelter me to the bus stop. The journey there resulted in the lower half of my jeans, starting from knee down was drenched till my socks. Then when I tried listening to my iPod, i realised my earphones spoilt and everything was sounding very echo-y.

Nevertheless, had a good time with sk and dom, lunch and New York New York which the waiter was so enthusiastic to take our orders that I havent even looked at the menu. The fried mars bars there sucks though, so dont eat it.

Movie after that just because I wanted to waste time before going for alumni, so we watched Rob-B-Hood, which was kind of funny but a little boring at times. Daniel Wu's a gay in the show. Unexpectedly during the movie I got 2 calls from Peiyan, who wanted to know what are the plans for later, like if im going for alumni and stuff.

Its a long story, but we decided not to go and meet up outside because it seems as though no one else from the section was going to go anyway, and we figured just the 3 of us percussionists turning up would be weird. So we decided to have at raffles city instead and after a talk we walked around for a while before heading home.

-

ok. Time for thanks for all those that wished me.

Matthew, my pri school best friend, friend for past 12 years.
Iggy, who always have a ready smile for everyone.
Sila, who recently became this good listener.
Aloo. Funny girl, makes me laugh all the time with her blog posts and such.
Lynette, with all your help, before and after. Thanks.
Chitra, im really surprised that you knew it was my birthday. So thanks!
Phoebe, waking me up in the morning with your msg.
Xin Jie, buddy for 4 years, and we've yet to get our coffee after talking about it for 3 years.
Shi Min, hello daughter. Thanks for your greeting.
Rao, great senior/brother, gave logical advice to me when I was depressed before prelims.

Anyone else i forgot, my classmates, bandmates, im sorry!

-

Special thanks to those that made it really, really special.

Wayne. Calling me from tekong on friday night was damn SWEET la. Haha. Its really unexpected. Thanks.
Ailing, walking around with me, eating dinner on friday night and just talking, at least I didnt have to think too much on friday.
Sk and dom, you guys are great. I appreciate you for being there, refraining from telling me off when Im being stupid. Thanks for spending the day with me.
Jade and Peiyan. Buying the slice of cake for me, singing the super fast birthday song, listening(again) to my own problems, offering your own views, although its more like yan's views, but still!. Having dinner today with you both made me feel happier in weeks. I feel lighter now.

Yes jade. As I continue to eat the cake the sweeter it got. Thanks for the cookie, and to the both of you for having dinner with me today. =)

-

That fingers which brushed on the side of my head, and the same hand on my shoulder, to offer comfort.

-

Lousy post, because I cant really be bothered to type properly. Initally, I thought today will be a bad day, but it turned out otherwise.

Happy 19th.



Currently listening to: Time Stands Still - The All American Rejects

Well hello. I couldnt sleep, so I'm up so early to blog. Time passes really fast, its already the end of september, and as of tomorrow, we're only left with a month to As. Truely, it is the last lap we've all been anticipating, and after this, the race would be over for us, and 13years of uniformed education will come to an end for us.

Oh no I wont, I wont worry my life away, oh no not me oh singing never not today.

-

I learnt something after observing the things around me: There are so many times you can feel heartbroken till you decide not to feel it anymore. Like what ms teh said, Love -> Hate -> Indifference. An interesting thing to note is that this cycle must always, always, end in Indifference.


-

Daily horoscope:

What are you waiting for? Playing hard to get isnt your game. Say yes today.

-

What kind of lame horoscope is that?

-

Weather today: Overcast
Mood today: Overcast
The rain, they fall like tears.

Perfect! =)



If you had that one chance, just that chance to go back back and fix what you did wrong in life, will you take it? And if you did, would you be strong enough to stand it?

Interesting.

PSP, PSP, PSP.

2 more days.



Currently listening to: Pieces - Rascal Flatts

Had this dream a couple of nights ago, and only remembered it only now while I was surfing the net.

I was on this road, weirdly resembling the one outside school, with the constructions going on around me and the steel beneath my feet. I was standing on the road, watching the cars pass me by...staring back at drivers who gestured at me like I was an idiot. Admittedly, I might have looked like one, for what sane person would stand in the middle of the road? All the cars had slowed down, rounded about me till this car came speeding, speeding towards me, thinking I would step out of the way.

I didnt. And it was too late for either of us to do anything.

And so I walk through the valley of death...

-

Boring thursday.



Balancing of the scales in progress.

Short day made into a long day, and I was running a fever and flu throughout it. Got home only about 6 and slept, all the way until now where I woke up and decided to use the computer.

I realised Mos Burger does not have milkshakes at all its outlets, and only at selected ones. I miss drinking milkshake, for it gives a very soothing feeling.

-

So many thinking points, so many different perspectives.

Precisely!

-

Daily horoscope.

Clean out your emotional closet today. Let you outmoded feelings drift away.

-



Just got home from a bad day.

It started with witnessing something unintentionally, resulting in my pulse racing to a crazy rate, and it hurts, probably not physically, but emotionally. I have all these feelings running circles around inside me, round and round they go, and somehow, even if I'm watching them, I'm unable to pinpoint what exactly they are. Hahaha! I think im starting to lose my sanity...It's hard, very very hard to dislodge myself from my current position.

I tell myself all the time, "Its time to move on!", and yet, I still remain where I am, sitting and praying. To what purpose, to what end? I'm watching my balance getting twisted beyond all sort of semblance of normality.

The scales, the scales! They're out of balance!

-

We sit and we roll along with the changing tides of times.



Good luck to all the juniors undertaking their promos. Your first paper is in about 2 and a half hours time.. Don't worry, and just do your best.

-





Out studying in the mid afternoon, then headed down for alumni prac.

Just finished uploading the pictures, and then I realised I didnt take that many. Of course, I didnt upload every single picture, but the nice ones are few and far in between. Oh well...

Just scroll down and view them now! I think my friends look good dressing up nicely.

-

Damn tired...both emotionally and physically.






High Tea Appreciation

Woke up damn early...around 7+, replied smses, and went back to try and sleep and woke up around 9. Dilly dallied, till I was almost late for my meeting time with dom, so had to take a cab down to cathay to be on time. We caught Miami Vice.

Just got some of the pictures from the High Tea Appreciation today...will upload what I have, and add more as I get more from the various photographers. Its rarely that Im a photo whore, and since Im not photogenic, I tend to shy away from taking pictures. However since its graduation, and im most likely not going to see most of these people ever again, so I figured, lets just take more pictures, for memories sake. I'm sorry, but some of the pictures are really blurred. Its because of the high sensitivity the camera has to shakes. Viewing it as thumbnails kind of decreases the blurness though. Here goes..

-


Introducing the infamous STD, Sengkiat and dom. Tons of shared memories between us. Its been a good 2 and a half years =)


A more natural shot of us.


Dom tries to look...I dont know. Like he's constipated.


Dom looks good with the black shirt leaving the first button unbuttoned. A good friend who has tolerated my nonsense for the past 2 years, I'm really grateful.


Sengkiat, the best dressed among STD, with his blazer.


Also going home partner, and he sometimes shouts at me too when im too much. You cant see it from his face right?


Benny the history teacher and STD. Rumoured to be a chick magnet in his uni days.


Dom and shihong. Shihong's the top mugger and scorer of the class. Dont let me start on the number of girls that have liked him since year1. Im jealous of that.


Ailing. They say we look like twins.


Do we? I dont think so.


Sila. With her 10cm heels. She's practically almost as tall as me already.


Najib. The one who always sings weird songs.


Janu. Pretty Ms. Nepalese. The pic's blurred though.


Farhan. Excellent dancer and pw mate.


Aini. The pic's really cock up because of the flash.


Renfeng. She wanted me to compensate for her lack of height...thats why we're equally tall. Almost.


Here's the real difference in height.


Mark. First he looks cool...


Then he looks gay(note his right hand). I think he doesnt want to take a nice picture with me. He's also the nicest guy in class, otherwise known as a sucker.


Pok. Everbody loves iggy! Cheers.


Inez. She looks shockingly...pink.


Bertram. Trying to be cool. I think.


Zul. One of the soccer kakis and fellow history student.



(L-R)Ailing, Renfeng, Inez, Mark, Dom, Shi Hong, Me. Class of 04b4 + Renfeng.


Guys of 04b4. Well, almost all.


History students + Joy. I forgot who turned the number plate of the the table upside down.


Class guys + Alicia. I know what you're thinking. She looks cute right?


Class of 04b4.



Currently listening to: I Feel Bad - Rascal Flatts

I was out till so late yesterday, was because I went to my grandparents place for dinner... After that, I talked to my grandmother till late, then went off to find some of my primary school mates in the same block.

Found matthew, and we talked outside shaw tower at balestier road till about 2+, before I headed home.

-

Damn tired..



I got home damn late. Like only just. Its a long story as to why I was out, and Im also tired, so I'll explain tomorrow(or later tonight, depending on how you see it) if I have the energy, because its a long day tomorrow(or later in the day, depending on how you see it =P).

Saw this new horoscope for myself on friendster:-

Make a fresh start in an old relationship and you will make everything fun again!

Interesting.

-

Im damn hungry..



Currently listening to: Once In A While - Dishwalla

Christ. 2 days late in putting this up, but here goes:

Happy Birthday Aloo!

-

What the teachers are saying now:

"Its too late to study content for your econs. Just read the essays we're giving to you, cuz you get some content that way too as well as the basic structure of the essay for the question relating to the topic"

The students' reaction:

"Its too late?!"

Time is running out. Its time to start running with it.

-

Just saw the album title for the song im listening to. It was, "And You Think You Know What Life's About". It does send across many messages.






Currently listening to: In The Nightside of Eden - HIM

I had quite a few long talks today...of which one made made me feel a little more depressed(caihua, your fault =p), although generally they do give me a lighter feeling, after I've come to terms with certain things. However, after so long, I thought I couldnt cry anymore and yet(cheers!) i was proved wrong again.

Ahh...I stood my grandparents up today. I was supposed to go over to their home for dinner and yet I forgot that I said I would.. What kind of grandson am I now...I feel so bad.

Shan't talk about the cock up as regards to the lessons in toh tuck, but I finally decided not to go when the last taxi was about to leave. I guess, the most important person I let down ultimately is myself, if I dont feel that much for my studies.

-

This story of theirs have ended, and yet, he seems to be still trapped in the increasingly dragged out epilogue.



Currently listening to: Music of the heart - Nysnc ft. Gloria Estefan

Shopping for dom's clothes today, walking round marina, then raffles city, trying out various clothes. I tried out a shirt and a blazer, and I think it looks pretty nice. Too bad Im not the type that spends alot of money on such stuff, if not I would have bought them straight away.

Dota with bert ailing and mark at serangoon gardens, partly because I had to get my mind off concentrating on stuff I shouldnt, and also because I didnt want to return home so early.

Lots of things to say, but then, saying them out has no point either. I suppose writing them down would help, but then I'll leave the writing to tomorrow morning.

-

These feelings that they run through me, Im trying to identify them, but they somehow stay indescribable, always hitting me, then fading away...coming back again when Im least expecting it.

-

Who here can tell me the rescue swimmers' motto?
So others may live senior chief!
Ohhhh I feel safer already.



Currently listening to: Outsiders - Franz Ferdinand

Every single thing that I experience right now, seems to carry a message to me. They vary generally, but they're all good, and serve to bring me back to my senses.

I've been very insensible lately. Hmm..

-

Modified from the trailer of The Guardian;

How do you choose what to save?
I try my best, fight as hard as I can, for as long as I can.
Fate then takes the rest.

-

Its a big relief I've gotten a peace of mind right now. Although I still dont get much sleep(4-5hours at night), I've been alot calmer right now, without the bad dreams. I wake up, feeling poignant; downcast, but not filled with irrational fear and worry.

I've gotten out of my despondency, I hope. Working now, towards achieving the balance of my own scales.



I can finally breathe a sign of relief that the prelims are over. Now its back to recovering from my fever, which has been hitting me on and off for the past 2 weeks already. I dont know, but I doubt this fever is caused by a virus or what, and I suspect its because of my own thinking thats causing me to burn up.

On the other hand though, I would like to experience the feeling of having a really bad fever again. Of lying in bed, drifting in and out of sleep all day for days at end. To not have the strength to do anything at all, not even to think at length. All you feel is just the extreme cold, and the endless shivering, and after that, the burning, and the burning...

-

Struggling not to be burnt and consumed by the flames of hell of my own thoughts, there seems to be no escaping the inevitability. Eventually when I give in, I'll be lost.

Its very cold...




-yawn-

Econs paper 1 and 2 in about 2 and a half hours time.. and honestly, it'll be such a waste of time for me to go. However if I had gave in to my impulses(irrational), I would have skipped the whole of prelims, not caring about the consequences.

Still pretty much uncertain on what to do after the prelims... Other than studying, I'll be having a downtime with myself, trying to achieve the balancing of the scales(libra). Once that's done, I'll be able to get my affairs in order.

-

By 12 today, I'll be free to do what I want, for the moment. The looming As doesnt exactly give me alot of freedom, yet.
-



Woke up abruptly... things have changed... small minor details... those that are important to me nonetheless. Little things in the little time that passed...causes whole atmosphere to change...



It hurts... because I can only regret, that I didnt know, and couldnt stop you from giving up on this.

-

Of course I'll be okay. Not now, not tomorrow. But eventually, in time, I will be.

-





Currently listening to: Numb/Encore - Linkin Park feat. Jay Z

Sometimes, out of goodwill and concern, we do the best we can, but even then, the best might not be enough. God, I've placed everything in your hands. I know you've got a reputation of not helping much, but I feel at this time(in the short 18years of my life), I truely need divine intervention.

-

Totally unrelated to the above.

I think right, I've been trying hard everyday, at achieveing a peace of mind with myself. I've been talking, mostly to myself, to someone up there, to a handful of friends. To even be able to get more than 6hours of sleep would be considered a blessing.

Im submerging myself in my studies, but even that cannot distract me from my thoughts. I've been feeling feverish all the time and I suspect its from my thoughts. Its like, I feel cold all the time, and I'm burning up from inside, burning up badly.

My worst fears? They're not my fears without a reason. Manifesting and poisoning me, if I cant fight it, I'll have wasted the 3years in this school. So tell me about it. That its not worth it. Because to me, no value can be fixed upon this.

My heart is thrown into a turmoil, spinning out of control. Im scared I'll snap. And if I snap, i'll start hurting everyone around me.

-

Mythology tells the story of the Phoenix;
a powerful bird that at certain intervals will build a nest and sit in it as it is consumed by flames.
Out of the ashes the Phoenix is reborn to once again grow in strength and wisdom.
Sometimes in life, the thing that kills and destroys us is the very thing that is life's greatest blessing.

However, for the thing now, I hope it will not be the one object that kills me.




Taken from addi's blog. It applies to me as well.

Father, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change but courage to change the things i can and wisdom to know the difference.





Currently listening to: Dare You To Move - Switchfoot

Wanted to go back to school to try and study, but due to my own physical fatigue, I was just too lazy to get out of bed this morning. Luckily too, because it just started raining, and if I had went to school in the morning, I wouldnt have brought an umbrella and might be stuck in school if its still raining when I need to leave around 12pm.

I've been listening to The Remedy(since like a couple of days back), and there's one part of the song that goes, "Oh no I wont worry my life away, oh no not me never not today.." I should try following that, and maybe everyday will feel more lighthearted.

I like the weather now. Dark skies, everything's grayish, the color of the world is kind of dulled. It reflects my state of mind right now.

I just realised, that Rome Total War might be like the 3D version of Utopia.

-

Maybe Redemption has stories to tell
Maybe Forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here....








Currently listening to: Someday You'll Be Loved - Death Cab for Cutie

Oh, its thursday already! Which means, my prelims are almost over. Im only left with econs paper 1&2 on monday morning and I'll be done with it. Of course, there's still the As to look forward to, but thats not for another 6weeks or so.

I've started to pen down all my sad thoughts, everytime I think about them, on pieces of paper, and these papers are usually the extra exam scripts I've got left over after the exams. So far, penning these down seems to siphon the thoughts(somewhat) out of me, and made the weight more bearable.

This is going to sound stupid, but its like, I've stopped myself from really letting it all out so many times, and in the end, tearing over problems wouldnt help matters. I've not been myself lately, and I've been talking to myself mainly, God, and everything inanimate. My friends have been excluded, although I just find that probably what they will say, I can lecture it to myself. I'll have to instill patience in myself..

-

So far I guess for every paper I sit, I get an average of 30-33, which in a 3 hour paper means once every 5-8mins or thereabouts. I know, I'm still thinking way too much. But since prelims is now over(yay!), I can get sad properly, calm down, try to get my bearings, and if I cant, I'll still have to pull myself together the best I can, and try to get ready for the As.

-

The way suntec was cordoned off, with the barricades, and the police around the area, made the whole place look cool. There were snipers(i presume) because I saw one of them with his rifle.

-

While walking home today, the sadness I felt was getting heavier and heavier. Not being able to take it anymore...I started to tear.

These tears are probably an outlet for my sadness and frustration to leak out of me.

-

My horoscope for the day:
Anything that reminds me of the past will give me a better sense of the present.

Well yea...I know. My present is currently screwed right now, as compared to the past.

-

I should have skipped prelims.

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

-

You Communicate With Your Ears

You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker. What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions. You love to hear compliments from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself. Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.

Currently listening to: Wonderwall - Oasis

I think I know I can kind of understand my own plight. It is caused by something simple - uneasiness. Im always tensed up, and always thinking. It all comes to no avail, and I could always just sit down and cry.

-

The SBQ for history paper1 was hard. Mulling over it took longer than usual and by the time I started, I was only left with 45minutes to write the full essay.

-

The unease grows within me. More, more and more.

-


Every step feels heavier, to take more effort.




Trying to study for history tomorrow, but I've been feeling feverish. Its been this way since friday where I was struggling with my fever and flu. Im sure its not the weather thats been turning cold, but everytime when I try to sleep at night, I start shivering and have to hide myself under the blanket. No, I do not switch on the aircon; the fan's my choice.

Anyway, for this cold, Im not sure whether it emanates from within the soul, or its due to my surroundings, or just that Im really feeling unwell. 2 more days, 3 more papers, 9 more hours of exams left to the end of this week.

From today, exactly 9 weeks and about 12 hours to the end of As.

-

"Permanence, perserverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements and impossibilities; It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak."

Giving up is not on the agenda. Its time to be strong.

-





Always on my mind - Elvis

Maybe I didn't treat you quite as good as I should have,
Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could have,
Little things I should have said and done, I just never took the time.
You are always on my mind,
You are always on my mind.
Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times,
And I guess I never told you, I'm so happy that you're mine,
If I made you feel second best, girl I'm so sorry, I was blind.
You are always on my mind,
You are always on my mind,
Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died,
Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied,
Little things I should have said and done, I just never took the time.
You are always on my mind,
You are always on my mind...

-

Im going to fail econs later. I mean, its already a foregone conclusion. Why do I then trouble myself to go down to take the paper? Maybe because I just dont have anything else better to do, and if I skip, I'll just be sucked deeper into my thoughts.

Im still thinking, and for now, it'll never stop no matter how I try to distract myself.

Ever get that feeling that you've done all that you could, but still it doesnt feel enough? Like you could actually do more, but you honestly dont know what else you can possibly do? This is how I feel right now.

-
Addon:

27 times in 135 minutes. Averaged out to be once every 5minutes. Still thinking too much.

After the paper, I went down and saw her bag outside the library.For a moment, I stared at it, and suddenly, I felt uncertain, lost. I didnt know what to do, what not to do. I felt tears, and the urge to cry. After calming myself down however, the moment passed.

Econs paper was horrible.

-





Minority Report

Im not eloquent with words...I cant string together a sentence like mark or hamizah does.

But all I know, is that what I truely want now, more than ever, is to bring her out of her tiredness, and make her feel happy again. There's never anything clearer, for once the light of my life is out, everything else just turns grey...colorless.

They say home is where your heart is. I guess you're my home, as you were in the past, as you are now, and as you would be in the future..

-






Currently listening to: Drive (live orchestral version) - Incubus

Lit Paper 8 wasnt as bad as I thought it would be...although hopefully, I wouldnt have failed too badly. Throughout the 3 hours, I was still struggling with my thoughts, trying to sort myself out so I would be able to attempt the questions and write out decent answers.

31 times in 3 hours, makes about 10 in a hour, and about once every 6minutes. But of course, this is just an average of sorts.

I guess I cant sink any lower as of yet, since I seemed to have reached a standstill.

-

I got back my lit paper2 exam scripts today. I failed, but not as terribly as I thought I would.

Enroute to the bus stop at the main road, I almost got knocked down by a lorry... I didnt even realise there were cars coming from the other direction; I was too busy looking to my left...

-





An update. I've had alot of short conversations with myself today..and Im not sure why.
Tomorrow's the start of our prelims. 4 days of trying to concentrate, and by thursday afternoon I can start feeling wretched over myself again. Amazing Grace, lift me up and save me.

Dont worry my fellow year3s...prelims mean nothing. If you fail, its not the end.

-

A tough stretch I now walk; made harder by the fact that Im doing it alone.

I don't wish for an end.




Currently listening to: The Warmth - Incubus

This may sound weird, but I had this short conversation with myself running through my head, while I was doing some housework to get my mind off things. So much for doing the chores. The more sensible part of me was trying to talk some sense into my dominant self, which was pretty much kind of a sad, negative, filled with dark thoughts kind of entity.

We talked through everything again(kind of, the conversation was kind of warped). We tried to get my bearings in order, which pretty much sways with certain external conditions. If they're good, Im good. If they're not, I go south.

Im pretty much trying stabilise myself. Its like if I want to save this, I have to be able to save myself first.

-

Wonder what my home tutor would say if she found out about this. Year1 I had problems, year2 I had problems, and now year3 I have problems. Oh wait, I know what she'll say.

Concentrate on your studies! Its the most important thing of your life now. You know? You know? You know? You know?

I dont need that, so she wouldnt find out. As for the most important thing of my life, let me rate those for myself. Its my life. Not yours. But I do agree. Studies are indeed important.

-

Its sunday. I gave a promise to my friends a week ago that I'll snap out by today. "Give me a week." I said then. Now it seems like if I want to keep that promise, I'll have to fight myself to do it.

-

Addon:

Everyday Im fighting against my own thoughts and fears which are slowly but surely consuming me. I cant stop it, but Im fighting it.



Saints Alumni bbq.

I thought it was off... or rather, on but noone from my section was going to go since I didnt receive any sms from either of them. Therefore I was walking around in Market Place, the basement of raffles city trying to shop for some stuff. I got a call from Rao around 5+, and he asked me to go down to keep him company. I accepted...and took the train down immediately after buying my stuff.

When I reached there...after awhile Ganesh came as well...we got round to talking and I told them quietly in a nutshell of what im going through. Rao and Ganesh...both my seniors...one 5 years older, the other, 2 gave me their 2cents worth and advice.. They tried to talk me round, and it was one of the more useful, profound talks and counsels I've had thus far.

At times when Im alone, I tend to start thinking...reflecting...and I realised this will compound the sadness, and I'll inevitably try to force the tears away. As long as I can put a halt to all these, I'll start feeling better.

Hey dear. Its not your fault.. Lets work hard together now for exams!

I.l.u.

-

Junyang from project superstar came...I had no idea he used to be from sajc band. Anyway he just talked to us for abit...and yup. He seems like a pretty nice guy. But for the most part of the night we left him alone to talk to his batch mates and Glosz.

Noone went gaga. I suppose we're too cool for that.



I woke up today morning feeling extremely scared; frightened.

I'll try not to think about it.

-

I think my brain has the ability to visualise every possible scenarios with all its variations and intricacies and develop them into very plausible situations. Overimagination is my forte. I wish I could disable that function. So in this way, thinking would stop.

-

is there no limit to how much sadness one can feel?



The tears, they wouldnt stop falling. The pain, it doesnt go away. Why? Why..

Im shaking...out of fear...out of panic. I cant remain calm.

Stop...please.



Currently listening to: Somewhere in Time/The Old Woman - Maksim Mrvica

So my fears have come to realise themselves. Not a moment passes without me mulling over what could have been, what couldnt have been, aching over what has been. Do not hope for too much, for when nothing comes to fruition, one gets left bitterly disappointed. Lets ignore that. I'll carry on hoping.

Bleeding.

-

Addon:

While I am struggling with my fever and flu, which I have no idea how I got them, the weather changed drastically. It was raining kind of heavily and everything just seemed dreary. The enveloping darkness reflects what is going through me now.



Currently listening to: Wish You Were Here - Incubus

Went to the airport, had dinner, mulled things over. Felt sad. Felt heavy hearted. Felt everything bad.

Realised that the people mugging at starbucks all sort of knew each other, and it seems as though as they're mugging overnight. And there were like about 3 tables of them..

On the way on the cab home, I suppose the uncle realised I had some problems...and we ended up chatting, and yup. I didnt take his advice though, although I emphatised with him.

-







Currently listening to: Ride On - ACDC

Looking listless at home is dangerous, especially if my dad has shown to be more shrewd than I ever thought he would be. For a moment he sat down with me, in what would be the first ever dad-son bonding session, and asked me what was wrong. I had to put on my best poker face and instantly buried myself in my econs textbook(which i was already trying to do before he came in), deflecting any awkward questions.

The September holidays are passing extremely quickly; its already wednesday! It amazes me that this would be the last school holiday I'll ever enjoy as a student, and in about 2months or so, I'll be out of the education system, until I get into the uni. If i get into the uni that is.

Therefore I shall take my time, savour the feeling of holidays. Stop to smell the flowers, so to speak. 3 years have passed extremely quickly, and my journey in MI is almost over. Although the memories might not be the best, they're still memories after all. Like all other journeys, its been filled with ups and downs, and perhaps one I'll look back with wistfulness, still wondering, if this was the path I would have taken, if given the choice to stay or leave again.

It is a question, I am unable to answer myself till this day.

-

I think right, my sister might be a lesbian. Considering recent events, how she behaves, her haircut and all, dont blame me if I think she plays the 'guy' role in any of her possible lesbian relationships. If she starts playing basketball, she can be those typical butches you see around already.

What an interesting turn of events, to have a lesbian in the family. Is it really social engineering?

-

I need to find peace with myself. Too long have I been caught up in the turmoil of chaos within myself, and my own sense being eaten up by this poison.

I gotta start practicing Zen.

Ohmmm...........



Currently listening to: My Sacrifice - Creed

I doubt any of you will read through this anyway. Putting it up is just for my own benefit. If you want to see your own horoscope, just tell me and I'll email the rest of the zodiac signs to you.

However, generally some parts are inaccurate, and would have been more apt to describing how I was when I was in my secondary school days. Likewise, I've changed since then and of course, dont take this as an exact depiction of how I truely am.

-

LIBRA MAN

A man who has no balance like his Zodiac symbol, he is not the gentle, cool
, calm and charming guy like what you see. He has another dark side of
aggression, stubborn and he likes to start an argument the most. Sometimes
he can be so depress and unstable. Up and down like he is trying to balance
himself most of the time.

To many people, he is a friendly guy and always smile even when he is mad or
up set. His voice always gentle and calm. he always set and comb his hair as
if he comes out from a shampoo advertisement. Mostly Libra men are good
looking, even the ugly one is charming. When he smiles, it is so bright that
the whole world is smiling with him too.

When he is in a balanced mood, he is the type of person you want to be with.
In an unbalancing mood, he likes to make people argue about something and
watching it with fascination and fun. He will wait to be the one who
compromise and clear thing up. He likes to be in a conflicting conversation.

A Libra man is lazy by nature. After his tired day at work, he likes to sit
still and just look out of the window or read quietly. He likes to be in his
own world. After recharging his battery, he will be very energetic again and
may even take you out that night.

Libra man normally will not do any shocking or abnormal things to be
noticed. He likes to be conformed with his crowd, but if you watch him
carefully, you will see the different. If he wear a shirt, it will have to
be a zipper front instead of buttons, or a special tie bar. There is always
something in him that he will not allow totally conformity to take him over.

A straight forward , no non-sense guy. He is careful and delicate in
details. He will spent extra time to doing it right, than comes back to
correct them later. He hates people who boast, or exaggerate. He does not
like over dressed woman or make herself a center of an attention.

He loves to read. He loves poems and loves art. When he works he can work
like crazy, but after work he can turn on romantic jazzy music and treat you
so gently. He loves to give people advice and normally give a good advice.
If you fall for him, you will stay like being trapped in a spider web. If
you want to break up with him, he will persuade you a zillion ways to stay
and you can not stop him anyway. After he persuades you to stay, or after a
big fight, he will be so sweet to you as if he has never hurt your feelings
before ever.

He has his own way to win a girl love and affection. Once she says yes,
he will lay back and wonder if he should go on or if he should back out. In
his teen, he changed many girl friends because he can not clearly separate
loving a friend and loving a girl friend. He will check and re-check if his
match is suitable and compatible with him.

Even he is a romantic man, he can hardly understand the emotion of the one
he loves. He is a generous guy even he sets his life so systematically. He
never knows when he makes you unhappy. He never knows how he up set you. He
will never knows what he said wrong. If he is your lover, be prepared for
this.

A not so pretty girl with no brain is not his type of woman. If you are not
pretty enough, he will not mind talking to you but he does not care to get
to know you. Any girls, pretty or ugly can ask for his help, he will be
happy to help. He hates to argue by yelling at each other, so you tend to
see that he argues with his girl friend seriously but try at best to be very
quiet.

He likes to have a girl friend by getting to know each other like a friend
first. If you want him, you have to like the same thing he does. He prefers
a pretty and gentle woman than a smart and ugly woman. You have to
understand his mood especially he can has many different moods. He is a
private person, so when he needs to be alone better let him be.

-

And finally...to end it all off. A poem i stole off jade's blog.

What It is

It is madness
says reason
It is what it is
says love

It is unhappiness
says caution
It is nothing but pain
says fear
It has no future
says insight
It is what it is
says love

It is ridiculous
says pride
It is foolish
says caution
It is impossible
says experience
It is what it is
says love

Erich Fried,
translated from the German by Stuart Hood

-

Cheers.



For this post right...Im going to color the middle part in white. The reason for doing so is that I wish to write something only for myself to read. As a reader and friend, you have 2 options. Respect my wishes, ignore the post, and go on to the next blog. The other option obviously, would be to highlight the hidden words and find out what I've typed. However if you do choose the latter option, do not question me or judge it. As I already said, it is meant only for myself to read.





Currently listening to: -Silence-

Perhaps after trying, extremely hard not to focus, and yet I can still fail myself by showing extraordinary concentration at the weirdest times. I blog now with the sole purpose of telling myself(and also revealing to the world inadvertently) that I am honestly:

Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I see little or no effort put in anymore. Yes true, being sad would not help change things. But I am being sad because I seem to fail to be able to make things change.

So...why me?

-

I cant help it, but I think too much.



Currently listening to: Why Does It Always Rain On Me - Travis

I slept early last night, as a last resort to banish my thoughts; for a temporary release from those troubles.

Today, something shocking happened. While I was ironing my uniform, my dad came out and asked me why I looked so dull, and whether Im unhappy. And for this crazy moment, I had this urge to tell him about all my problems. Fortunately, this crazy moment passed.

Reaching school, I realised my mind has been thoroughly poisoned by it.

-

Went to maxell market, over ordered and spent more than expected. However the raw fish slices were good, while the porridge, on the other hand, which was supposed to be delicious fell short of my standards.

Went to Sim Lim to inquire about the price of the w810i, which averaged out about $550-$600 generally, though the cheapest one was $502(inc. gst) from a 'shady' shop. Went window shopping after that for clothes for the high tea appreciation, which gave me a chance to look at new t-shirts to add to my wardrobe which is woefully short of them.

Went back to waterloo street, which is in Bras Basah for the benefit of those that didnt know, to this unique shop in the dark forgotten corner which sold customized cakes. To tell the truth, their cakes look really, really good. You can order cupcakes from there as well. Note, that you must order, for they dont make it ready to sell.

-

Dinner at sakae sushi at the aiport, where I finally tried the Seafood Deluxe Teppanyaki set which is a MUST TRY for anyone who likes teppanyaki. Talked for awhile, laughed at this and that, and finally went home.

Walking home in the slight rain served to make me feel as though something, at least something reflects the mood that I am in right now. Relatively light hearted, with a tinge of sadness.

-

That 4 cute looking sec2-3 girls that we saw. Dom are you interested in the tallest one? You sounded so disappointed when we stopped 'following' them.



Currently listening to: Writing To Reach You - Travis

After repeated reminders not to think too much, I guess I just cant stop. For example, notwithstanding the circumstances, what ailing just told me that normally wouldnt have affected me, but now has become a poison in my mind. Something about not looking too much like a couple as compared to someone else with her or along those lines.

Fears of my own for myself to face? It has instilled a sense of despair within me, that is slowly eating away at my sanity...driving me to be further consumed by all dark thoughts.

Gnawing at my sense and sensibility, is darkness.

-

Of course, we could talk about more mundane stuff. Things like,

You know Crouch scored twice for england yesterday? That tall bugger is really on fire.

This might have been outdated, but fears of Hurricane Ernesto of devastating the coast of Florida(im not too sure if this is the correct place) proved unfounded as it fizzles out just off cuba(i think).

More interestingly, vehicle movements have been spotted at North Korea's key missile base but there is no indication the communist state is preparing for another missile test, a senior defence official said Sunday. Perhaps its just another false alarm.

I make lousy news reports.. and Im sorry for not being sorry for that. Im just too bothered by my own problems which I cant seem to solve right now.

-

What wouldnt I give, for a magic lamp, where within resides a Genie that would give me 3 wishes.

Alternatively, I could always sell my soul to the devil for 7 wishes, but Im not particularly inclined to do that.

Buzz off, Satan. Stop poisoning my mind.

-

Why does it always rain on me?



Currently listening to: Sidewinder - Avenged Sevenfold

Ever wondered why my recent entries are like only a few liners? I don't know myself either. *shrugs* I'll try to make them longer, but that entails talking about mainly positive things. Regretfully, I dont have many positive things to talk about now.

-

Im sinking, sinking, further without trace. Consumed by all thoughts and fears, I've lost motivation for everything. Im starting to hate myself. Hate the circumstances.

Kill me and all these will end. Instantaneously.

-



Currently listening to: On Fire - Switchfoot

Suddenly, the weight of the burden on my shoulders have doubled, tripled, quadrupled. I've already used up all my chances without knowing it. Its time to stop running, and to rebuild what has been lost to my own foolishness.

I fear... that I am easily replaceable to you. But for you...you're not to me...

I've decided a long time back not to break my promises. But I find myself increasingly on a tightrope that I might fall off any moment, and that fall might just kill me. I cant stop walking this, for I know if I stop, it would mean giving up, and everything would be over.

-

That smile on your face. Will I ever see it again? A smile that I used to bring to you...

lenice.tay

addi.chee

agnes.lin

andrew.tau

aj

amanda.loo

amanda.tan

amanda.faith

amy

auntine.jas

alicia.ng

avril.phua

bert.lee

bryan.sim

chitra

ct

deon.toh

dominic.julian

ghim.kui

goh.huishan

elly.sim

hanis

huini.gao

huiee.low

ignatius.aaron

jade.chen

james.leong

jean.tan

jincheng

justina.lee

khairuz

layne

loke.kokhoe

lynette.choong

liangshi.tee

mark.wong

neil.sikorsky

ong.junhong

phoebe.wong

raudhah

sajc.band

seng.kiat

selina

shan.shan

shimin.chong

xiuli

yiling.du

yingwen

ziyan

Memoirs of a geisha
Fearless
Jarhead
Underworld Evolution
Munich
Ice Age: The meltdown
The art of seduction
Mission Impossible: III
X-III: The Last Stand
The Omen
Silent Hill*
Superman Returns
Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's chest
The Lakehouse*
Singapore Dreaming
The Banquet
Miami Vice
John Tucker Must Die
Stay Alive
Rob-B-Hood
The Departed
The Prestige
Death Note
The Guardian
The Covenant
Step Up
Casino Royale
A Battle Of Wits
Happy Feet
Open Season
Eragon
The Holiday
Death Note: The Last Name
Curse of the Golden Flower


Maybe I didn't treat you quite as good
as I should have,
Maybe I didn't love you quite as often
as I could have,
Little things I should have said and done,
I just never took the time.
You are always on my mind,
You are always on my mind.
Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times,
And I guess I never told you,
I'm so happy that you're mine,
If I made you feel second best,
girl I'm so sorry, I was blind.
You are always on my mind,
You are always on my mind,
Tell me,
tell me that your sweet love hasn't died,
Give me,
give me one more chance to keep you satisfied, Little things I should have said and done,
I just never took the time.
You are always on my mind,
You are always on my mind


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