Now Playing - Sooner or Later (Soren's Song) - Switchfoot

Blue skies smilin' at me
Nothin' but blue skies do I see
Bluebirds singin' a song
Nothin' but bluebirds all day long

Never saw the sun shinin' so bright
Never saw things goin' so right
Noticing the days hurrying by
When you're in love, my how they fly

Blue days, all of them gone
Nothin' but blue skies from now on
Nothin' but blue skies from now on

bing crosby

Currently Listening To: 千里之外 - 周杰倫

Fear is in the air... Christ. I always regret when its too late. As if 6 weeks ago wasn't enough, I'm regretting now for not putting in enough effort this year. I need one wish now granted to me by a fairy godmother. On second thought, maybe two. Just two! Please.

Exactly 4 weeks more to the end.
-

Daily horoscope.
Getting close to the finish line is not the same thing as crossing the finish line.

-




Currently Listening To: I Could Have Danced All Night - Jamie Cullum

Haha oh man oh man...after all these nonsense for the past weeks, I finally get hit by nightmares over my As. While I was trying to sleep last night, I was like trying to get some sleep, and then in midst of my fitful sleep, I had horrible dreams of interest rates and the factors which determined them. I remembered I didn't know how to do the question(s), and I would wake up feeling like I'm better off just skipping the As, retaining for one more year, or going straight to army, or I should have went to singapore poly last year.

Yes yes. I need one more year.

By the way, in case if you want to know, interest rates are determined by a number of factors. The Keynes Liquidity Preference Theory, as well as the demand for money, and various other small factors like government polices and shit like that.

Sigh. I can't even do the question now. That shows the lack of preparation I have.

GP paper this thursday..

Go go go!

-




Currently Listening To: Could It Be Any Harder - The Calling

Happy Halloween in advance...! The actual date would be October 31st, I believe. The name Halloween is Scottish in origin and is short for "All Hallow's Eve," the night before "All Hallow's Day," or All Saint's Day. That day was set by Pope Boniface IV to honor the Catholic saints, and also to replace a Roman pagan festival of the dead (which had been held in late February, the end of the old Roman year). Later, Pope Gregory III changed All Saint's Day to November 1.

By the time Christianity came to the British Isles, local folk had already been celebrating their own festival of the dead on Samhain (November 1, the Celtic new year). According to author Jack Santino in "Halloween and other Festivals of Death and Life" (University of Tennessee Press), "Many traditional beliefs and customs associated with Samhain, most notable that night was the time of the wandering dead, the practice of leaving offerings of food and drink to masked and costumed revelers, and the lighting of bonfires, continued to be practiced on 31 October."

In other words, the Christian church incorporated local Irish, Scottish, and Welsh pagan traditions into one of its own holy days. Just as the old fertility symbols of the rabbit and the evergreen tree became parts of Easter and Christmas, so have the symbols of the end of the fall harvest season and the coming of darkness become parts of a modern western-world celebration.

-

Fried Coca Cola! Can you believe it?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061027/od_nm/life_coke1_dc

-




Currently listening to: Never Let Go - Bryan Adams

They say that time numbs all feelings and pain. Today, right now, I can tell you that is not really the truth. Maybe it does dull the intensity of it all, but when something triggers the latent emotions, everything comes rushing back like a storm, and thats when you realise, that all of the steps you took to protect yourself, was all for naught.

It felt like a truck collision. The sinking feeling was too familar for me to face it.

-

Haha...just joking only lar. I can only cry my tears silently, into my hands. It hurts...too much.

Bedtime. Night!



Currently listening to: Home - Switchfoot

Of course, there's always a low that suddenly comes along, and also, there's always a chance that this low that might be the next new low.

Not enough time already.

-

Every drop of tear has a story behind it.
And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming, or the moment of truth in your lies.

-

Your wife left you. Your best friend is dead. You sound like a country song. If you had a dog, he'd be run over by now.

-






Currently listening to: Don't Look Back In Anger - Oasis


For now, its gloomy in the afternoon, and cant say I really mind that. Suits the pre As mood right now. I think if I could right, I would have an alter ego in me. A split personality, a mugger type, so that it could take over me whenever there's exams or stuff like that and study damn hard. Then I will be in charge of the having fun parts, and just relax and chill.

Ah. Wishful thinking terrance. Snap out of it.

-




Currently listening to: Rainbow Connection - Jason Mraz

GP is in a week's time. Gauging from what I feel about everything, the amount of work I've been doing and trying to do, I'm simply not ready to take As at all. Give it your best shot, they say. I dont think i can..! Need to psych myself into the correct mood, and that requires energy. I lack so much energy now that I think I need to buy and drink at least 1 can of Red Bull everyday so I can afford to keep on rolling.

Its all over, before it even began.

-

Damn it.

I hate the system now for taking my friend away. Its not like I've liked it in the first place. In fact, I never particularly developed a fondness of it.

-

Add on:
Aloo's recent blog post really cracked me up. I feel better about everything already.

Daily horoscope:
If you over think things, you'll lose perspective and spirit. Get some bravado.

I do over think things, and i need some bravado. But for perspective and spirit...hmm. I doubt I'll lose them.

-








Currently listening to: Trading Air - Athlete

It was a nice day yesterday. For one, the weather looked threatening, something it havent done in a long long time and especially with the haze around. Secondly, it actually rained with all the works, lightning and thunder. Finally, I saw 2 celebrities, Ezanne and Erica Lee, buying an iced drink at starbucks while I was packing up and getting ready to leave for home.

I was disappointed to see that while today was wednesday, most, if not all of the malay stalls in the airport staff canteen was closed presumably for post Hari Raya celebrations. That means I didnt get to eat thai beef noodles, neither did I get to enjoy the satay.

As expected, I got home hungry.

-





Currently listening to: Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac

Watched Death Note today. I realised if you were to draw a frequency curve for the number of movies I watch, it would be increasing as the As draw closer. This phenomenon is really happening, that I seem to be upping my movie outings in these few weeks.

Intensive studying sucks. It kind of makes me go slightly off balance, out of touch with reality, feel like im learning but not absorbing, and the list really goes on. I've been praying these few days too, for so many things. I'm not sure if I'm asking for too much, but then again in the past 19years of my life, I've never prayed that often as I do now before.

-

There's this loneliness that haunts, and which is not something that can be dispelled just from company one shares with friends. Its more of the innate, intangible loneliness that resides within the soul, created after something dear is removed, leaving an empty space behind.

-

Lets forget we're running out of time.

One of the nicer songs I've heard in awhile. All of you who sees this, please watch it at least once. The lyrics are meaningful as well.

This life is, harder, so much harder
You say that life has so much weight it wears you down
Higher, your so much higher
40 stories high is such a long way down

You can run - run into the middle
Or you can be still - lean into the ledge
Or you can fall hard as you feel it giving away

So much insane a deep black hole
The Sun will come and warm your soul
As fast as light the speed of sound
One life one love - down down down

Harder, its so much harder
You blame it on your friend you say she let you down
Angel, another angel
You blame it on the bitch you say she let you drown

You can run - run into the middle
Or you can fall hard - as you feel it breaking away

So much insane a deep black hole
The Sun will come and warm your soul
As fast as light the speed of sound
One life one love - never let them take it away

Higher, your so much higher
40 stories high is such a long way down







Currently listening to: Charlie Brown's Parents - Dishwalla

Friday-

Watched The Prestige, alone. Studied in school, tried to...and achieved close to nothing.

-

Today-

Studied outside for awhile, tried to absorb some history, and then it was off to ganesh's house to sort of celebrate deepavali!

Had dinner, which was good, and then talked till it was close to 11pm before we left...for East Coast! Went to the beach, tried to take some photos but failed miserably as it was too dark and the best camera we had was the nokia n80 which regretfully just wasnt good enough.

Talked somemore, before we sent jade and peiyan home before ganesh and I headed home ourselves. Embarrassingly while on the way home, I had to make him stop the car halfway because I needed to vomit as I was feeling sick from the gastric and some other unknown reasons. After I got the gastric juices out, I felt way better...

Hanging out with them was good. I never realised I could laugh so much with them and forget all my troubles for awhile. When everything was over, and although the feelings came back again, I can now better deal with them, even though I cannot fully get over it.

Thanks, you guys, as well as benji the irritating mixed breed dog who tried to intimidate me, for making me laugh =)

-





Argh the IE 7 sucks...I cant view the fonts properly...everything looks uniformed, and the loading times are weird. It feels too much like firefox.

I dont like it!



Currently listening to: Counting Crows ft. Vanessa Carlton - Big Yellow Taxi

Hmm...! Its almost over. Today wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. Felt as though as there was alot of praying going on, so much so that I could practically feel the prayers. I think felt kind of compelled to join in too. Maybe.

While studying at starbucks, I decided to try their signature hot chocolate. It was surprisingly good, and I was so tempted to get another cup to warm myself.

The Departed was kind of draggy. I think I still prefer Infernal Affairs.

-

Dear God, its time for me to claim that favour.

Thank you.






Studying in process... ... ...

-

Food for thought.

While studying with my friend...i suddenly came up with this question because of what my friend was threatening to do without warning; abandon me to go home for dinner. So I asked this rhetorical question;

How many times can Terrance get bastard in one day?

My friend: n number of times! *laughs*

Me: ...are you doing C maths with me?

-

Not funny.



Currently listening to: How About You - Staind

Daily Horoscope:-
Looking back will offer you the most reward, entertainment and insight right now.

-

PSI index as of 12pm according to our NEA website: 94. It has been on an upward trend since 6am, and it should exceed the 100 mark a couple of hours later. Where is the rain when you need it? Im parched almost all the time...

-

Although I can concentrate fairly well now...there are still various moments where I lapse into this void, where I lose my sense and rationality and feel that I'm falling apart. I then come back out of this, shaking, out of fear, at how close I was to losing control.

7 more weeks. Or thereabouts.
-

You know I got a draft of my testimonial, the one that the school will write for me. Its very interesting, and makes me realise things about myself that I didnt know was previously there.

-

Read this on a forum, it was the signature of one of the members:

that it should

if you ever feel emo again, remember, as long as you can still realize it, you're not emo.

But if you start thinking thoughts of suicide and have a sudden affinity for the day thursday, remember, you have a shotgun, use it for the betterment of mankind.

The last paragraph is abit of a joke. Generally however, he does have a point.

-

Edited;

New song added - Ryan Cabrera - Last Night

I dont exactly love it, but what the hell. At least its something refreshing.



Currently listening to: Sweet Sacrifice - Evanescence

Friday the 13th, an ominous date, and also the last day of school.

Coming to school early in the morning, the last assembly i attended, the last talk the OM will give...the last time playing soccer in the basketball court...the list goes on; almost the last of everything.

And so my official uniformed education ends after 13 years. What a pity. Im still wishing that Im in year 2 right now, finishing up with my PW, looking forward to playing WoW, which was what I was doing a year ago. Whatever it is, all good things must come to an end.

I've made many good friends in the past 3 years. Its been 3 years of ups and downs, laughter and tears, and yet we've stuck it through. From a class of over 30, we've shrunk to 18. 3 years ago, I thought this stay in MI will be a long and draggy one. Now, it felt as though I stepped into this place only yesterday and thought, "What the hell am i doing here?"

...Only now for me to change the thinking to, "Im going to miss this place."

-

The pressure's cracking me up.



Crossroads.

Emotional Baggage.

Letting go.

Holding on.

Saving me.

Killing me.

-

These were actually the headings that I saved in my draft and wanted to write about. But now im just too tired all the time, so I'll publish only the headings and you readers can exercise your creative imagination to fill in the blanks!



Currently listening to: Start Over - MC Frontalot

It gets quiet sometimes, even when the music is playing. Im getting lost in my own world, where I doubt anyone can reach me. I wish I could take all my feelings, distractions, everything else and put them in a box. Then put this box aside and concentrate what is at hand now: The As.

I almost scrapped rock bottom today.

-

Study, study, study!

-

Call 1900-save-terrance to offer a helping hand today.



Currently listening to: Everything In Its Time - Corrinne May

Have you ever been able to boast of the novel experience of getting locked in the school library at 6pm and with the librarian no where to be seen? Thats what happened today to me. And I was actually thinking, I wouldnt mind staying overnight in the school library. After all, I had my stuff with me, and the library is quite the comfortable place.

Air conditioned, carpeted, cushions, internet access...haha.

-

Arranged to meet my friend at serangoon macs at 7, and ended up waiting till 8 before my friend turned up. Ended up studying till 10:30pm, it suddenly got too noisy when this group of teenagers came in and started yapping away loudly. Since the peace was disturbed, decided to call it a day and my friend and I left the place. By, that time, serangoon central was already like a dead town. While passing through the damn deserted bus interchange, this conversation took place. I was the one who joked about going for supper.

"Eh, lets go chomp chomp for supper."
"Serious? Okay lets go. =)"
"Huh? No la i was just kidding. I want to go home. Almost 11 already! I still have school tomorrow."
"Eh...I was preparing to go already you know..."
"Sorry la.."

Amazingly, my friend was nice enough to wait with me for my bus to make up for being late.

Thanks, and Im starting to feel hungry. Maybe I should have went for supper after all.

-





Currently listening to: Abhorrence Whirls - Masashi Hamauzu

Last day of school is going to be this friday. After that, Im done with curriculum time and stuff like that. I dont know how to put my feelings into words, but there are just so many things I cannot let go of yet.. The 2 and a half years have been fast.

Nostalgia.

-



Currently listening to: Gone - Switchfoot

Saw many many friends yesterday, those that I havent seen in a long time, those I never expected I would see. First group was my sas seniors, at marina square. I contemplated joining them for the movie, then decided not to. Second group was jade and peiyan in the mrt station. Third group was another group of seniors, at sas.

A day filled with coincidences.

-

I've decided to change the mp3 playing on my blog on an occassional basis, so there wouldnt be the stale feeling of listening to the same song over and over again.

Enjoy.

C'mon sing with me
So remember we were driving driving in your car
speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
Aye aye, had a feeling that i belonged
Aye aye, had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone...

-

"Terrance...I think its time for you to grow up."
"Whaaa?"
"Stop all these immaturities."
"...I know, I know..."



Currently listening to: Like I Am - Rascal Flatts

Woke up, or rather, shot up from my sleep, gasping for breath. I've been having too many bad dreams lately.. Spent the next few minutes trying to calm myself as well as my pulse rate down. One of these days, I'll have to really sort out my thoughts. Its piling up like clothes in a messy wardrobe.

-

Yesterday, an unexpected call from an unexpected someone asking if i still wanted to have have coffee surprised me. Sadly, I forgot all about the coffee and you couldnt confirm your plans that night prevented us from meeting up. Its been like what? 3 years since we've been talking about having coffee.

Even if that was the case, the call was one positive point in a negative day. There's too many people I have to catch up with. After the As, I'll get around to doing it.

-

Haze's been pretty bad lately...



Currently listening to: Fast Car(Tracy Chapman Cover) [live] - Matchbox Twenty

Daily horoscope:
Today is all about the journey and not the destination. Enjoy the perks of first class.

But as I've said, the journey is almost at its end.

-

To realise
The value of a sibling;
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realise
The value of ten years;
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realise
The value of four years;
Ask a graduate.

To realise
The value of one year;
Ask a student who
Has failed the finals.

To realise
The value of nine months;
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realise
The value of one month;
Ask a mother who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realise
The value of one week;
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realise
The value of one hour;
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet...

To realise
The value of one minute;
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realise
The value of one-second;
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

To realise
The value of one millisecond;
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

To realise the value of a friend;
Lose one.

-

Time waits for no one. There can be...

Treasure every moment you have. no reconcilation of regrets.

You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.



Currently listening to: You Have My Attention - Copeland

Let casual conversations meander down tangential paths, and make a connection.

Hmm. Thats interesting...

-

Today is a sad day, because mdm za almost cried. Because it was going to be her last official lesson with us. I felt sad, for she was one of the teachers that truely cared for me, truely made an impact, not only in studies, but my life. Eventually, I came to realise that literature is essentially a subject that teaches about life, in all its essence. It has been fun, even though there's sense of loss, but after all, this part of the journey is almost done.

Suddenly I feel this unwillingness, a great reluctance to graduate this year.

-

Its the end that matters. Not your prelims. Not the past 3 years.



Currently listening to: Coffee - Copeland

Honestly, how much do you truely know about yourself? I don't know myself very well, and sometimes I feel as if I could try harder and to better understand my own thoughts and actions. In this world of friendster and online messenging service, we think we know alot of others, but do we really? Do you even know yourself?

Strangers with ourselves.

-

I wanted to blog about this, but forgot about it. I was in class at about 6:45am yesterday, when it was still fairly dark. So I was penning down some stuff, trying to achieve some semblance of peace while suddenly I caught some movement from the corner of my eye.

It was the black cat, and it was in this midstride with its paw raised and staring at me, realising I was someone it didnt notice(since its so early, its dark and i dont switch on the lights...so you cant really see things clearly). We studied each other, it contemplating if I was a threat, and me wondering what its next move will be. After awhile, it decided to just ignore me and took the shortcut through the class and out of the other door it went, towards the generally direction of the canteen.

Something weird, yet interesting in an otherwise boring day.

-

Sigh. Still stuck in this vicious cycle.




Currently listening to: Far Away - Nickelback

Long day, long lessons, longer moods. Honestly, realising that tomorrow was wednesday and the end of the promos hit me like a lead weight. Maybe because it truely signifies that the academic year is coming to an end, and soon too, will be my uniformed education.

-

Thanks Jade! For being willing to lend a listening ear, without being too judgmental. I appreciate it.

-

I have yet to find the light at the end of the path, as well as seeking the closure that eludes me.



Currently listening to: I'm Your Villain - Franz Ferdinand

Brought my new earphones today, they're seinheiser, and my very first noise cancelling earphones. They're really powerful, and im glad to say that I did not waste my money, even though I felt abit off balance at first, because I wasnt able to hear anything...it was like the world was muted, shut away.

Fear is settling upon me. I think. Im not really very sure about it because it kind of comes and goes.

-

That perfume, still lingers now and then. Argh. Its driving me crazy.

Got to run run run away from all these.

Peace in 7weeks.

-

Less temperaments, more calmness. Relax.



Woke up from a bad dream. Ok, it wasnt exactly a bad dream, but it was the wrong sort of dream to have.

Found myself clenching my fists in exasperation. I was left shakened.

-

Hmm. What should I do today? A trip to the apple store at wheelock to get new earphones seem to be in order.







Happy 20th, Jade! =)

Friend, fellow saint, fellow libra, percussionist. Remain happy, and talk more!

-

Changed the song on my blog, something that better describes everything. Sometimes the weight which drops down into the stomach, even if it still feels as heavy as before, Im better at handling it.

The significance of 1st October means everything and anything. 1 month left.

-

lenice.tay

addi.chee

agnes.lin

andrew.tau

aj

amanda.loo

amanda.tan

amanda.faith

amy

auntine.jas

alicia.ng

avril.phua

bert.lee

bryan.sim

chitra

ct

deon.toh

dominic.julian

ghim.kui

goh.huishan

elly.sim

hanis

huini.gao

huiee.low

ignatius.aaron

jade.chen

james.leong

jean.tan

jincheng

justina.lee

khairuz

layne

loke.kokhoe

lynette.choong

liangshi.tee

mark.wong

neil.sikorsky

ong.junhong

phoebe.wong

raudhah

sajc.band

seng.kiat

selina

shan.shan

shimin.chong

xiuli

yiling.du

yingwen

ziyan

Memoirs of a geisha
Fearless
Jarhead
Underworld Evolution
Munich
Ice Age: The meltdown
The art of seduction
Mission Impossible: III
X-III: The Last Stand
The Omen
Silent Hill*
Superman Returns
Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's chest
The Lakehouse*
Singapore Dreaming
The Banquet
Miami Vice
John Tucker Must Die
Stay Alive
Rob-B-Hood
The Departed
The Prestige
Death Note
The Guardian
The Covenant
Step Up
Casino Royale
A Battle Of Wits
Happy Feet
Open Season
Eragon
The Holiday
Death Note: The Last Name
Curse of the Golden Flower


Maybe I didn't treat you quite as good
as I should have,
Maybe I didn't love you quite as often
as I could have,
Little things I should have said and done,
I just never took the time.
You are always on my mind,
You are always on my mind.
Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times,
And I guess I never told you,
I'm so happy that you're mine,
If I made you feel second best,
girl I'm so sorry, I was blind.
You are always on my mind,
You are always on my mind,
Tell me,
tell me that your sweet love hasn't died,
Give me,
give me one more chance to keep you satisfied, Little things I should have said and done,
I just never took the time.
You are always on my mind,
You are always on my mind


November 2003
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