Wednesday, January 18, 2006 [ 12:29 AM ] ;
0 repliesThis is my opinion, feel free to disagree with it.
Like a stubborn mule, set in your thinking, you simply refuse to mature. The world is the world, fixed in its laws and ways of life, yet you deem it wrong, and wants the rest of us to accomodate to you. The smaller the dog, the louder it barks, and that I suppose, applies to you as well. A child you are no longer, its time for you to grow up and mature. We will sympathise with one tantrum, two, three or even four. But if you throw at least one, two, three or even four everday, patience will eventually run out. The mundane stuff that you kick a fuss over, what others may simply dismiss as insignificant, why again, do we have to give in to you? A leader you are not, unless a leader simply whines extremely loudly all the time to make people give way. I have seen people of better calibre, except that quality like this does not usually arrive in a place like here.
Haughty, unruffled, different from the conventional, being unique is good, but dismissing the conventional as stupid or silly is wrong. Placing yourself at a level higher than others, coming from a less than ideal background, you have been instilled with prejudice. Passing on judgement before you've even received your own, and even then, you've reasoned out with what may seem logical on the surface, that you're always right, and when a bystander really views the situation, wonders where you're going with all these. Seldom though you might make them, but careless remarks however, strike me as hurting, even if others do not think much about it. You scorn the mistakes of others, yet unconsciously, you fall into the same trap as all before you have fallen into. Your strength: your uniqueness, is also ultimately your weakness as well, setting you apart from the rest of the conventional world. The world will move on without you, and shutting it away might help, maybe its your mentality, but thats not the way out.
Quiet in your ways, and an unusual thirst for knowledge, and favoring the indirect as opposed to the direct, you are, all in all, almost an opposite of me. Its not bad, but sometimes, it leads others not to be able to understand you at all. You think its okay, thats fine with others. Its your problem, not ours, as you often say anyway. You get angry at times, and you smoother it over with your calm exterior. Its good, not exploding, but do you ever wonder why do people say an implosion is always harmful. Doing psychological harm to yourself is not the way to go. A wealth of sympathy and pity for others, and a mix of New World and Old World thinking is within you. Everything to you, has been preplanned and you seem indisposed to change it. After all, you reason, there is a path written out for you.
One might think you overdo things sometimes, but it all depends. Self righteousness is strong within you, and you do not think twice about offending people in telling them what you think is right or wrong. Curbing back on your actions sometimes will definitely be your saving grace, and in time you would be a good parent. Learn to tolerate, for after all, thats what all religions teach anyway. Having the same tolerance level for all matters you might face on in life would bring you far.
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You have been through what every typical singaporean kid has went through before, more than some, less than others. Your character has made many transitions, not all good, not all bad, and till today, you are not sure if you're happy with whats going on within. Egoistical at times, loud, and sometimes giving careless remarks, you think and reflect more than others think you do. The trailer for I am not stupid 2, what beatings that kid went through, is a joke compared to what you went through. Have we ever had teachers wanting to call the police, for abuse on a child? It may sound unbelievable, and even you yourself, do not even think it was possible then. Have you ever gathered a group of students, to beat up one guy in primary school, beating him up so badly that they had to call your parent? His grandmother proclaimed you would surely grow up to become a gangster next time, a rotten egg. Maybe you felt abit of remorse, surely you did, after the beatings you got for that. You stole money, shoplifted, fought, lied about extra lessons and went out to play. What is the frightening thing is not that you did all these before you finished primary school. It is the fact you learnt how to do it myself without any other external or internal influence.
You have, over the years, grown up and now feel the best way to forgive and forget. Whoever the person was who claimed feelings will last no matter the passage of time, your hatred of your parents and their upbringing has numbed, and to the extent now, you do not feel anything towards them. All these adversities have moulded your character, to now the person you are today. Not because of your parents, but instead, your grandparents, who had the capacitiy to forgive, and to forget every single wrong you have done, no matter how serious.
Favouring the blunt and direct as the fastest way to hammer in the point. It might not be the best, but you do not like to humour people with the falsity they chose to put themselves in. More often than not, you try to give an unbiased opinion on all matters, but you accept that it is impossible to be completely neutral. Fickle, one of your bad points, you have not been able to keep your commitments. The hunger for exclusive information, then the telling of these to others, have reduced your credibility. How many secrets have you kept, not many, and the ones left inside are the ones you deem you shouldnt have known in the first place. But what good will it do now, to justify your own actions?
You are, in essence, somebody with contradicting and constrasting ideals, of which each and every of it is fighting to gain a foothold over another. You have not turned out to be the very best, but you hope you do not join the ranks of the very worst. If there is afterlife, you have accepted your punishment, for all the wrongs you have done, the wrongs you are still doing, and the wrongs you will come to do. Salvation is beyond you, and you hope that you will not forsake yourself.
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Neither here nor there, I am what you see today. These are my confessions, what are yours?
I am so sure that some people will think this post is talking about them. Please dont think so highly of yourself, for this is only some nonsense I wrote out while feeling bored just before bedtime. I am trying out a different style, and Im not sure it worked out entirely.
