Saturday, September 16, 2006 [ 11:43 PM ] ;
0 repliesSometimes, out of goodwill and concern, we do the best we can, but even then, the best might not be enough. God, I've placed everything in your hands. I know you've got a reputation of not helping much, but I feel at this time(in the short 18years of my life), I truely need divine intervention.
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Totally unrelated to the above.
I think right, I've been trying hard everyday, at achieveing a peace of mind with myself. I've been talking, mostly to myself, to someone up there, to a handful of friends. To even be able to get more than 6hours of sleep would be considered a blessing.
Im submerging myself in my studies, but even that cannot distract me from my thoughts. I've been feeling feverish all the time and I suspect its from my thoughts. Its like, I feel cold all the time, and I'm burning up from inside, burning up badly.
My worst fears? They're not my fears without a reason. Manifesting and poisoning me, if I cant fight it,
I'll have wasted the 3years in this school. So tell me about it. That its not worth it. Because to me, no value can be fixed upon this.
My heart is thrown into a turmoil, spinning out of control. Im scared I'll snap. And if I snap, i'll start hurting everyone around me.
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Mythology tells the story of the Phoenix; a powerful bird that at certain intervals will build a nest and sit in it as it is consumed by flames. Out of the ashes the Phoenix is reborn to once again grow in strength and wisdom. Sometimes in life, the thing that kills and destroys us is the very thing that is life's greatest blessing.
However, for the thing now, I hope it will not be the one object that kills me.
